RIP Smudgey

 Smudgey was doing the squat and pee thing I know what that means,she had thrown up quite a bit and I could tell we needed to head to the ER vet.  What I did not know is she would not be coming home to live with me any more.  I know she had been a feral at least 10 years, been inside almost 2 years and the vet thought she was around 15 which is a long time for a feral.  I fed her when she was outside, loved her and gave her shelter.  At her annual review earlier in the year her kidney numbers looked a bit off so we changed her diet, etc.  A month ago she was doing the squat and pee and her numbers were up a bit.  Well tonight her kidney numbers were off the chart.  

I know she was not long for this earth as her coat was getting matted and dry, she had trouble walking and figured her time was coming, I did not expect it today.  The vet said we could do fluids and meds and on and on or I could let her go.  Her days were getting shorter and shorter.  I opted to let her go because I did not want to stress her out anymore than she was and really what would be her quality of life.

She pretty much spent all day upstairs on my bed and only came down when she was hungry.  However the past 2 weeks she spent most of her time parked on my chair right beside me. Did she know?  Did she decide she needed to spend as much time with me as she could, she always slept with me.  She would have to have her head rubbed for about 20 minutes before she settled down on her blanket and then she would be awake at 3am for another snuggle and if I was not up by 5 she was insistent.  

She was the sweetest girl and I had no idea when she came in how much of a snuggler she was.  She was my last feral I brought in.  

I loved her when she was outside and worried about her and was overjoyed when she finally came in.  

I know my dad and God are watching over her for me.

I love you Smudgey and I will see you again some day.

I May Never Be A Lap Cat

 

I may never be a lap cat,

or one who comes when called.

I may resist the hand that tries to touch

and some may think I’m flawed.

I may prefer my freedom

to your warm and cozy house

I may reject a bowl of finest foods

for the chance to catch a mouse.

But the box you put out for me,

Feels safe and warm and dry.

And I raise my eyes to thank you

when I see you walking by.

I eat the food you give me

I listen to your voice

I may never be a lap cat

but thank you for offering me the choice.

One day I’ll see the winter,

one day I’ll feel the rain,

I may grow old not knowing

there is freedom from this pain

I know you’ve tried to help me

and although my days will end

I may never be a lap cat

but I know you are my friend

(Melanie Nordberg)

(Artwork Molly Devlin)

59 Years

 59 years ago I was in 3rd grade. We were making tea towels for our mothers for Christmas. I had just stamped mine with a potato painted red. I remember the teacher was called out of the room and we kept working. She came back crying. She told us to put our name on our tea towel with a pencil and leave everything and go home. When I got home my dad was home (being a federal employee) they were sent home. He sat me down and explained that the President had been killed. I did not really understand what all that meant but we did not go back to school until the next week. When we did go back we immediately went to the auditorium and the Principal explained what happened. My mom never used her tea towel and I have it now. RIP JFK.

 

 

I Sing Because I'm Happy

 3 years ago today I interned my dad.  His favorite song was His Eye is on the Sparrow.  We sang this Sunday I totally lost it.  I love this version.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7Pk5YMkEcg

3 Years

 3 years ago today my dad went home.  12 days earlier he fell and broke his hip.  Surgery was postponed due to a UTI and when surgery happened he never came out of it, he was moved to ICU for 4 days and then the doctor said those dreaded words, there is nothing else we can do but move him to Hospice where they can take care of him until.....

I remember going in a room in the ICU and screaming til I could not scream anymore.  How could it be that my dad was going to die soon.  We had a wonderful day before going to the dentist, lunch, and the cardiologist.  I know God gave me that day.  

There are days the ache is so bad I can not function, he was my parent.  I followed in his footsteps, I was his mini me, we loved baseball (him Yankees me Dodgers) and chocolate.  We discussed and cussed the problems of the world and had many long conversations on just anything.  

There are times I see things and I know it is a sign from him.  I talk to him daily and I miss him more than I can say.  I love you dad and someday we can watch baseball again and eat chocolate together.

Halloween 2022

 I went as a mermaid this year.  My dresser brought a bucket with DumDum suckers in it for people to take.  When she was dressing me she noticed 2 of the pumpkins by the tree on the right were missing, really someone stole them?  WHY?  So from now on everything outside will be attached to whatever "ground" will be laid down.  Some people.  Anyway hope you had a great Halloween.